he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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