your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
