I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
