i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
