Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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