ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
