he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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