Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
