Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
