I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
