home. puking in laundry basket.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
