I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think people are normalizing furries
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
