I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
