I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
