Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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