Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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