If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
