last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
her vagine was all disorganized.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You can't motorboat a personality
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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