Already got asked if we're dating
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
