I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
