Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
