he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
