1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
