Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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