I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
