he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
