I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
