The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
