we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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