I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
