hell yes lets make some ravioli
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
