3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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