I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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