Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
