I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
