Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
