If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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