Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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