i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
