Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
