i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
