Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
