Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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