so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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