yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
