if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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