My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
