hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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