Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
