in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
