I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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