you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
